When 2 people are married it involves a lot of adjustment to life to be living with a person the whole while. It involves exchanging love, your opinions, your ideas with them and bringing them onto the same wave length as you are or understanding their own wave length. Ofcourse during the course of this, disagreements may arise and for that Allah has prescribed the attribute of compromise within us. But to be doing all of this, to putting forward your thoughts and feelings and ideas all comes down the effectiveness of communication. Hence no marriage is successful without effective communication.

Just like when a river flows smoothly without any obstacle to its destination, so should marriages work in a flow and that is possible only through a lively communication and talks between spouses. And just like when there are obstacles in the rivers way, huge stones and blocks, the flow of the river gets turbulent. So does the marriage when there a block in communication. The disturbance hence becomes so severe if the gap in communication increases that it eventually leads to destruction in marriage.

So liven your communication in marriage and make it successful! There need not be a deep conversation (although that is definitely not a bad idea!) but general discussion about the day, what you feel about the new maid that has joined the house, the match that is scheduled for next week or the dinner you are going to be hosting the day after. Be candid, be true, be real and be nice.  Talk it out with your spouses and make the communication in your marriage live!

When a man or a woman is getting married there are a number of things that they seek in their partner. Some want their partner to be beautiful, others want them to be wealthy, and many more want them to have personalities matching their own. However, whereas all these things are important in making the right decision to marry, they are not the MOST important. The most important trait that a person should see in their future spouse is their pull towards Islam, their closeness to their faith and their interest in following it for as long as they live.

A very well known scholar of Islam, Mufti Menk, said about the decision to marry in Islam that “Marry someone who is deeply interested in deen because that is who your children will follow”. This is not just about spending your life with one person for the rest of your lives but creating families of your own who will follow in your footsteps and embrace the religion of Islam, embrace YOUR faith that you have passed onto them, your children. Imagine the amount of blessings your household will be getting then!

There is a tradition of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) that a man chooses a wife for himself based on 4 things. He says “A woman is married for four (things); her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. Choose (marry) the religious woman so that your home will be in abundance. (Bukhari)

When the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned about the home being in abundance he meant that the blessings of Allah will be there in abundance. So marry a woman for her religion because that is what she will eventually be teaching her children.

When you marry for deen, your marriage becomes beautiful as it has the hand of Allah upon it and the devil is shunned. There is greater love, greater harmony, peace, understanding and compromise, all the things needed to make a marriage successful. The most important part of marrying for the faith is that the husband and the wife can pray together for the well-being of their families.  Husbands should take the piety and religious attitude of their wives as a blessing towards himself because by living with her he will have gained complete and pure happiness.  In the same way a wife should encourage her husband to enjoin in his faith, respect his decisions that he made with Allah’s guidance and pray for their family’s happiness.  It is only when the husband and the wife are both fearing of Allah will the marriage succeed because there will be no taint of shaitaan of it who would like nothing more than to destroy it.

So Insha Allah marry for Deen and see your marriage prosper!

This means that couples should, even after years of marriage behave with each other with love and respect. Nowadays the concept of non-halal dating has arisen where couples who are not married according to the commandments of Islam “date” each other. They go out with each other, hold hands and indulge in all sorts of haraam. But the beauty of Muslim marriage is such that all this can be done whilst being married.

Allah has not stopped us from dating. By all means Muslim couples are allowed to “date” but do so after marriage. Do not think that dating is something that can be done before marriage. Indeed, any sort of contact between and man and a woman without a mehram present is not allowed. Dating CAN and should be done after marriage. And not just in the first few days rather for the entire duration of the married life.  So Muslim husbands, never stop dating your wives! Love them, cuddle them, hold their hands, tell them you love them and make them laugh. Indeed all the above are sunnahs of the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH)

In the same way married Muslim women are completely allowed to flirt with their husbands. It is halal and very much encouraged within the boundaries of normal societal norms. Married Muslim women should dress up for their husbands, wear a nice perfume for them, talk to them calmly and sweetly and maybe even flirt a little. They should be quick to forgive, willing to share their days excitements, be a source of encouragement and all the while trusting and prying to Allah to make their marriage work forever.

Many marriages would be more successful if the husband and the wife knew they were on the same side. When they are on the same side that means that the only thing against them is the ‘shaitaan’ who would like nothing more than to make their marriage fail. Defeat the shaitaan and continue to date your wives and flirt with your husbands.

That’s how Allah described the relationship between the husband and the wife in Islam. The relationship is beautiful and it is pure. Marriage in Islam has purity at its best! When Allah brings a man and woman together in Muslim Matrimony, He enjoins that the relationship will have love, trust, harmony and purity. That is why the ‘shaitaan’ is the enemy of a successful Muslim marriage. Because the institute of marriage has purity in it and shaitaan shuns purity. He thrives on shamelessness and marriage in Islam saves you from this. Indeed Allah has brought about the institute of marriage and made men of purity for women of purity BECAUSE He wants us to avoid zina (unlawful relationship between a man and a woman). The Holy Prophet (PBUH) has said in a tradition that “Who so ever can afford to get married should get married”. He has the same reason for saying so, to make his ummah refrain from impurity and shamelessness.

Like all famous sayings in making a marriage successful  there is one about being a man of Imaan so that you deserve to be her man and be a woman of the deen so that you deserve to be his queen. Such a beautiful way to explain what Allah means when He says Men and women of “purity”. If both the husband and the wife look to Allah for the well being of their marriage in complete piousness and purity, their marriage will be successful because it will have the blessings of Allah with it.

The Prophet (PBUH) said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.” Such is the importance of piety and purity in marriage. When the Holy Prophet PBUH was asked what thing he loves the most so he said that one of them was a pious woman! So the basis of marriage is to live in it with purity in the heart and the soul. “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard” [Surah An-Nisa :34]

When Allah says Men and Women of purity for marriage He also means that a man should look at the faith of the woman, the woman should look at the companionship qualities of the man. None should marry the other because of selfish motives like wealth and physical beauty because that makes the marriage impure. Marry each other for the beauty of Imaan and then nothing else matters. THAT is what is essential in taking you both to jannah. THAT is what is going to make your marriage pure in the eyes of Allah.

When we talk about hurting the people we love, a very important relationship of marriage is most talked about. So this post is specifically about forgiveness between the husband and the wife. The relationship between a Muslim husband and wife is that which remains for your entire life and is one of the longest of all relationships of living together. So when a man and woman coming from 2 different areas of interests, backgrounds, lifestyles, habits and personalities start living together there are bound to be conflicts and differences in opinions. These differences in opinions can often escalate into fights and unpleasantness in marriages. When that happens, it is only wise to diffuse the tensions and say “ I’m sorry”. Saying you’re sorry not only kills the root of all arguments between the couple but is also an excellent way to defeat the shaitaan (who would like nothing more than to kill your marriage) and a way to gain Allah’s countless blessings.

“I’m sorry” is a phrase with the power to work miracles. We are advised to use it in Islam even if we are not at fault because Allah has asked all Muslim couples to live with compromise and forgiveness. A very famous Islamic scholar said “Admitting your faults and saying “I’m sorry” can solve long outstanding issues. Never let your pride or ego block an apology.”

As humans we have immense pride and are slaves of our egos. But when we’re part of such a sacred relationship as marriage we must put that ego aside and apologize when things get heated. Picture the devil getting extremely angry at the apology you give to your spouse. Doesn’t that give you satisfaction?

Doesn’t it give you peace to know that Allah Himself is the most amazing forgiver? Allah is All-forgiving. We make a million mistakes a day yet Allah forgives us. When we can be forgiven by Allah, then so can you be forgiven by your spouse when you make a mistake. Why don’t you just say “I’m Sorry” and find out?

Allah tells us again and again in the Quran that this world is fleeting and everything is meant to perish.  Everything will have an end. What will remain is what goes to Allah. So while we may die tomorrow, what we do in this world is deposited into an account with Allah which will remain with Him forever. It is the account through which Allah will finally decide whether we are to get Jannah or Jahannum. Ofcourse, as a believer of Islam we certainly want to go to Jannah, but do we want to go there alone?

That is where the question of “Will death do us part?” really comes in. This means that for a husband and a wife in Islam it is therefore imperative that they practice the faith of Allah together so that when the time comes to die, death in all circumstances will NOT do them part. Why? Because when a husband and a wife live together in patience, love, harmony, are ‘garments of each other’, have forgiveness and compromise for each other, pray for each other, and take each other to the right path, THAT is when death will never do them part, because THAT is when they will make Allah happy and get Allah’s blessings and as a result that is when they will reunite in Jannah, SubhanAllah.

So while the husband and the wife will die, but what they did together in marriage and companionship will count even after they leave the world and that will be the cornerstone in giving them Jannah. What will be taken from Allah will always remain and you will not be alone in Jannah if you fulfill the commandments of Muslim Marriage here. That is a beautiful marriage, the one that takes you both to Jannah and hence even death does not do you part.

Every marriage has its ups and downs and the root causes of disagreements in marriages is the inability to control one’s anger. It is acceptable that when we begin to live with a person who is completely different, who has habits different than ours, whose personality is different from ours and whose way of doing things is different from ours, disagreements may arise. These disagreements more often than not take the form of anger. And when anger strikes the Muslim couple, THAT is when shaitaan feels victorious as it is the aim of the shaitaan to destroy Muslim marriages.

No one said getting married would be a fairy tale affair. No one said there will not be difficulties on the way, times when you’d want to throw something across the room in anger,  and tough situations to deal with. Allah only promised perfection in Jannah. This is why the Muslim husband and wife should learn to control their anger and live with peace, compromise and forgiveness in this dunya. They should, in no circumstances, let the shaitaan triumph and let him step on the foundation to destroy your marriage. They should rain themselves to fight this. There are a number of ways the Muslim husband and wife can control their anger and manage it appropriately.

An Islamic scholar once said about the life of the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) that “The worst expression that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) gave when he was angry was to remain silent.” So make the sunnah your savior when you come face to face with anger. If your spouse shows anger and you feel angry too, try to remain silent. Silence diffuses the situation and avoids making things worse for the spouse. Both the husband and the spouse should not get angry at each other at the same time and lose their cool.

When a certain bad point about a spouse irritates the other, they should try to make a list in their head of all the good things about the spouse. Surely there are great things about him or her which you love from time to time, which you know you could not have found in another, and because of which your life seems full of meaning. Focus on those good points and your anger will automatically dissipate.

If you find yourself constantly feeling unpleasant towards your spouse because of what they did or said, turn to Allah for help. Make an effort and try to pray to Allah together, get the guidance of Allah together, read the Quran together with your spouse. Allah will open your minds to compromise, love and patience, so important in a marriage.

When you’re angry with your spouse, it is best to remain silent for that time and when your anger cools down a bit, discuss the issue with them. There is nothing that works better than two adults talking and sorting out their marital problems in the light of Islam, the Quran and Sunnah.

These are a few pointers to take care of to manage your anger appropriately. Remember the most important point is to be cautiously AWARE that shaitaan is trying hard to destroy your marriage and YOU are the one who can stop that. So with that knowledge in mind, embrace your marital life with open arms and make an effort to make your marriage work inspite of the anger that creeps in from time to time.

To create a marriage a man and a woman in Islam must go through the stage of a wedding that is called Nikah. A wedding creates a marriage, the latter being the most important part of the element. However, many people do not understand the difference between a wedding and a marriage. While the nikah is the foundation that sets the marriage into motion, the marriage is a complete lifetime between the man and the woman.  That is why Allah has asked us to focus more on the marriage. Sadly, in our society this does not happen.

When a man and woman are ready to get married, there are numerous arrangements and planning that is taken place that leads up to the wedding day. Halls are booked, magnificent guests lists are prepared, abundant food is catered, fancy stages are setup and clothes are stocked left right and centre. Planning, planning, planning. And all for what? Just for one day! The bride spends sleepless nights trying to decide which parlour to go to and the groom spends his working hours making sure the food catered is up to standard. Sure, all this is important, all the planning and fuss would only make for a wonderful wedding! But would all this planning make for a wonderful marriage?

No it wouldn’t. If all the effort and planning that is put in a single day of wedding is put in planning an entire lifetime of marriage, there would be marriages that existed like the Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) himself.  If we take the example of the Holy Prophet, he got married in simplicity but he had a vision to make his marriages work.  The bride should bother less about the 3 hour of make up sessions on the day of the wedding and bother more about the first 3 months that she will spend trying to build a beautiful home with her husband. Instead of the groom having endless conversations with furniture vendors, he should (in the limits set by Islam) talk to his to-be-bride about the future they will build together, work to eradicate any misunderstandings and make himself ready for compromise on many levels.

And  most importantly, the bride and groom should spend their time praying to Allah for a successful future together, pray to make each other their “garments” and pray for a life that will lead them both to Jannah. In short they should work towards a long lasting marriage rather than a one day wedding. May Allah take us to the right path. Ameen.

However, when we are looking for our perfect match in Islam, we should not only consider the qualities of the person we seek but also look at our own quantities and see if they reflect themselves in that person’s. Are you both compatible in your beliefs? Are you both on the same wavelength? Are YOU the person that you wish to marry? If the answer to all these questions is YES then by all means go ahead and marry that person.

Following are a few qualities that should be present in your to-be spouse but ALSO in yourself for the marriage to be successful. It takes two to make a relationship work and two to take it successfully towards the path of Jannah. So try to be the person that you wish to marry!

• Be strong in your faith towards Allah, fear Him as well as look for a strong faith person to spend the rest of your life with, What a shame it would be if you both are not in heaven together?
• Have patience, be understanding and be modest as well as look for a person who has the same qualities. Let those qualities strengthen your own.
• Be responsible in your duties and obligations and find someone who is serious about theirs. It may not be at the same level but at a balanced level enough to work for your relationship
• Have modesty and lower your gaze in front of the opposite gender. Observe the same qualities in your to-be spouse. If they have it, they are the ones for you!
• Maintain prayer and ensure your life is for the sake of Allah and to enter Paradise. Nothing else matters. Look for someone who shares this belief of yours and you shall live together in harmony always.

You can’t expect perfection in your spouse. But you can ensure that their thought processes, their beliefs and their convictions match with yours. All that you are looking for in a spouse you should have too. It is unfair to have a hundred expectations from your to-be-spouse and not to fulfill them yourself.  Be fair in your judgments and ask of Allah for the best. And Allah will InshaAllah bless you and your marital life.

 “Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity ” (Quran 24:26)

Indeed Allah has made one for the other so that they may live together in a mutually benefiting partnership called marriage. This is why Allah has asked us to remember that in marriage, our spouse is our partner and never on the other side, be it good times or bad. They are the people we trust our lives with. They are our “garments”. When there are happy times in marriage it is for both the husband and the wife. In the same way when there are fights and disagreements in marriage, they are for both the husband and the wife. Not one out of them is the winner or the loser but both are. If the fight resoles, both are the winners and if the fight pursues then both are the losers and “shaitaan” is the winner. The partnership of marriage is as simple as that.

Hence the best conclusion is that marriages would be a lot more successful if spouses understood that they were on the same side. The only thing that is against them both is the ‘shaitaan’ who would like nothing better than to ruin their perfect Islamic bond. So go ahead and create a partnership together against the devil and then ensure you win at every step!

Let your spouse become your partner. Let Allah plant the seeds of love and compassion among you so that you embrace this relationship with openness and love. The only way to do that is to shun the devil at every step

The Messenger of Allah Muhammad (PBUH) said:”There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage “. Indeed it is the best!