Battling Unkindness and Disrespect in Marriage

Posted by on Mar 5, 2014 in Islam, Marriage | 0 comments

Battling Unkindness and Disrespect in Marriage

Allah has created from amongst us, our partners and asked us married men and women in Islam to live with each other in “Harmony and Respect”.  Yet most Muslim marriages fail to do so.  Though we accept that this is very common in society, there are few if any steps taken to find out why this happens, let alone find a solution for it. In most Muslim marriages, unkindness and disrespect creeps in, even though we have the perfect example of the Holy prophet (PBUH) and his beautiful love story with Hazrat Khadijah in front of us.

The society has always maintained that when a man and woman live together in marriage, there are certain needs of each that are quite different from each other. The man demands that he is respected and his wife stands by him in all his decisions, while the woman expects her husband to show kindness and love to her. Sadly, both these abstract emotions, though felt by the husband and wife respectively, are not shown in appropriate measure. That is why strains in relationships are felt.

While the wife should understand that the man loves her and holds her in the highest esteem even though he does not show it often, the husband should also understand that the wife, who perhaps has just nodded dismissively to what you just said, but will stand by you in all your decisions. However, it is also essential to show that love and respect once in a while.  Allah says in the Quran:

“And live with them (women) in a beautiful manner. If then you are displeased with them (then know) perhaps you dislike something. Wherein Allah has created abundant goodness in it”. (Surah An Nisa 4:19)

The above verse surely tells the husband to treat his wife with kindness and respect even if he dislikes some things about her. For there is definitely something that he will LOVE about her too. So try to compromise on all the bad things in your life partner and look at the good she has. How she cooks, takes care of your children, your house, your family. Study the good, and let the bad slip away. Forgive, understand and be compassionate. Allah knows best, after all.

Allah also says in the Quran,

“Who repress anger…Who pardons men… Verily Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good doers) (Surah Al Imran 3:134)

Allah tells us when he says the above verse that the best women are those who repress their anger, for anger is the foundation to relationships breaking. It is the sore prick and a characteristic of the evil shaitaan who we are asked to repel. Allah has asked wives to forgive husbands and understand them. Realise that they are stressed, for example, and just need you to be there. Respect them for who they are trying to be for you, and your children. And inshAllah you will battle all the sour points in your marriage.

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