The concept of love before marriage is a controversial one in Islam. There are many scholars who believe that love before marriage is forbidden and is indeed haram. So the question is how does one decide if the person is right for them if they are not in love with them before marriage? The process is very simple. And indeed, halal.
Allah has made man and woman and given them feelings of attraction for each other which are indeed very powerful. At the same time Allah has forbidden the contact of man and woman before marriage. If a brother likes a girl and wants to marry her in the halal way, and hence give birth to halal love, he is to request her parents for her hand in marriage and the girl has to be given a chance to see him in the presence of “mahrams”. That is the halal way!
Allah has said in the Quran: “Let the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty…. not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women.”.
This ayah in itself tells us that men and women are to stay away from each other if they are not connected together in a halal way. And the only halal way that is true for them is Muslim marriage. The halal love that we talk about is ONLY through marriage. It cannot be attained between man and woman through dating, going out before marriage, holding hands before marriage or speaking to each other for hours on the phone.
The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said in a tradition that: “A Man Must Never Be Alone With A Woman, For Verily The Shaitan Is Their Third.” Hence all these acts mentioned above that a man and woman do are not only haraam, but also bring about the wrath of Allah as the couple is in the company of the devil. And indeed that is the worst company, one that is tailor-made to take you away from Jannah and towards doom.
Whereas, when a man and woman love each other in the capacity of marriage, the angels guard them when they are together and they are pulled towards Allah, such that when they live together and pray together and sleep together, they are moving one step towards Paradise. Indeed the halal love of marriage is taking them there. So why not embrace it and go there!
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