The institution of marriage is held of high importance in Islam. Allah has ordained all His followers to marry and live in “comfort and love” together their entire lives. This importance of the relationship hence brings with it some well grounded rules, both after as well as before marriage.
Marriage is a life time of togetherness that we talk about. We are demanded to enter into it with complete responsibility and conscientiousness. For when two people of different looks, personalities and habits come together there will be differences of opinions and adjustments that will have to be made. That is why Allah asks us to marry intelligently and only when we are completely sure of our life partners.
This brings us to the question of the intricacies in the relationship before marriage. In the Quran Allah has stressed on modesty when the man and woman are in the presence of one another. “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest.” (An-Nur: 30-31). However, Allah has also asked us to look carefully at our respective groom or bride when we are in the process of choosing one for ourselves. This allows us to make the correct decision about our marriage. If the man or the woman have not looked at each other before their marriage, there may be something about each other that they dislike after marriage that may cause problems in their marital life later.
Once a man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and told him that he wished to marry a woman of the Ansar. The Prophet (PBUH) replied to the man, “Have you looked at her?” The man replied that he had not. The Prophet (PBUH) replied ‘Then go and look at her for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar,’ Hence, we must be sure that it is recommended that both the man and the woman look at each other before entering into marriage. This creates harmony and a sense of agreement between them and makes it easier to make a decision that is beneficial for both. Also, it gives an opportunity for both to know the personalities of each other.
There are, however, a few things that both have to ensure. The woman may converse with the man before marriage in the limits set by Islam. This means that there should not be any sort of communication without the “mahram” of the girl being present. The Prophet (PBUH) advised that it was better to meet with a mahram accompanying the woman to guard the modesty of the woman as well as to refrain from impure thoughts between the two if they are alone. He said “”A man must never be alone with a woman, for verily the Satan is their third.”
As long as both follow the procedures set by Allah for their own benefit, there is no harm and infact highly suggested that both meet each other. For this is the entire life that both have to look ahead to. And Allah has given them the power to make the correct decisions. Indeed, Allah is All-Knowing.
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