A happy marriage creates a happy home and a happy, loving home brings about the pleasure of Allah. There is a tradition of our Prophet (PBUH) that “You shall not enter Paradise until you have faith and you shall not have faith until you love one another. Have compassion for those who are on earth and He who is in the Heaven will have compassion for you.” Since the woman spends most of her time at home, caring for her house and family, the major responsibility of the happiness of the house falls towards the woman. Consequently if the woman is displeased with the way her marriage is going and is not happy with her husband on a number of different levels, the happiness and peace of the house suffers. Hence it’s a two way street. If the woman is expected to maintain harmony in the home, husbands are required to give their wives reasons to do so. Husbands are meant to realize that Islam does not seek women to be confined to the house only and if the wife wishes not to fulfill her professional desires to take care of her family, the husband is infact lucky.
Following are 5 things husbands should take care of in their marriage for it to be successful.
Be compassionate:
Husbands should know that women can be best connected with on an emotional level. Little gestures in compassion can do the trick. Tell them how beautiful they are everyday, tell them you love them, have dinner with them, ask them how their day was; these are a few compassionate things husbands can do. Flirting with your wife never gets old. Make her feel she’s still the young damsel you fell in love with in the initial days of your marriage. Try to cajole her when she is angry, and apologize to her when it is your mistake. The quran says “Live with them in kindness”. In short, just be nice to her and the way she will reciprocate will be a hundred times better!
Be appreciative:
Most women complain that their husbands take them for granted and never appreciate everything they do for the family as the years pass. The woman, again the more emotional of the two, desires appreciation. It may not have to be in the form of an expensive gift. Just a “thank you for everything” whispered in the ear at the end of the day could do the trick. Or just a peck on the cheek could do wonders. Again, remember, that in Islam a woman is not required to slog the whole day at home and the fact that she does it means that she really loves her husband and her family. Appreciate her for that.
Be lenient:
It is wrong for the husbands to think that once they marry a girl, they have in essence owned her. Most wives complain of their husbands being too possessive of them and hence curtailing their freedom. Islam enjoins that a wife respect her husband but that certainly does not mean doing so at the expense of her own existence. Husbands, ofcourse, feel they are responsible for their wives and try to do so to save them from harm. With this intention, it is only right for the husbad to tell his wife calmly why what he feels instead of yelling at her and putting a hundred restrictions on her. This would only make the wife resent him more and she may disobey him in his absence. Husbands should not order their wives to obey them but rather show some leniency so that the wife does not feel trapped.
Be a communicator:
Most marriages fail because either of both, the husband or the wife fail to communicate with each other; while the wife seeks to communicate and connect on an emotional level, the husband wants the wife to be more straight forward and since the round-about way of talking doesn’t work for them, they stop trying altogether. Husbands should listen to their wives when they talk to them (remove your eyes from the television for starters!), don’t give their wives one word or one syllable answers, share your own days work with her (trust me, women are amazing listeners, they will listen to your monotonous banking stories the whole day!) compliment the food that she has cooked (maybe even ask her the secret recipe and move the conversation along). Talk to her. Listen to her. Make her feel what she does and says has value in her life. Tell her that!
Be flexible with financial matters:
And lastly! The most dangerous of the lot, financial matters! Most couples have serious conflicts with money issues. A Husband should not deprive his wife of his lawful earnings and always give a chunk of it to her to provide for his home and family in his absence. The easy way to do it is to sit at the beginning of the month and decide the budget together. This would save serious financial troubles in marital life later.
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