Allah asked a man and woman to get married and has decreed Muslim marriage as one of the most loved of all relationships. However, Allah knows that marriages can never be perfect. Perfection is an attribute of the Jannah and since we are living in “Dunya” we may never be able to attain that perfection here in our relationships. So exactly is the case with marriages.
Every marriage has its ups and downs and the root causes of disagreements in marriages is the inability to control one’s anger. It is acceptable that when we begin to live with a person who is completely different, who has habits different than ours, whose personality is different from ours and whose way of doing things is different from ours, disagreements may arise. These disagreements more often than not take the form of anger. And when anger strikes the Muslim couple, THAT is when shaitaan feels victorious as it is the aim of the shaitaan to destroy Muslim marriages.
No one said getting married would be a fairy tale affair. No one said there will not be difficulties on the way, times when you’d want to throw something across the room in anger, and tough situations to deal with. Allah only promised perfection in Jannah. This is why the Muslim husband and wife should learn to control their anger and live with peace, compromise and forgiveness in this dunya. They should, in no circumstances, let the shaitaan triumph and let him step on the foundation to destroy your marriage. They should rain themselves to fight this. There are a number of ways the Muslim husband and wife can control their anger and manage it appropriately.
An Islamic scholar once said about the life of the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) that “The worst expression that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) gave when he was angry was to remain silent.” So make the sunnah your savior when you come face to face with anger. If your spouse shows anger and you feel angry too, try to remain silent. Silence diffuses the situation and avoids making things worse for the spouse. Both the husband and the spouse should not get angry at each other at the same time and lose their cool.
When a certain bad point about a spouse irritates the other, they should try to make a list in their head of all the good things about the spouse. Surely there are great things about him or her which you love from time to time, which you know you could not have found in another, and because of which your life seems full of meaning. Focus on those good points and your anger will automatically dissipate.
If you find yourself constantly feeling unpleasant towards your spouse because of what they did or said, turn to Allah for help. Make an effort and try to pray to Allah together, get the guidance of Allah together, read the Quran together with your spouse. Allah will open your minds to compromise, love and patience, so important in a marriage.
When you’re angry with your spouse, it is best to remain silent for that time and when your anger cools down a bit, discuss the issue with them. There is nothing that works better than two adults talking and sorting out their marital problems in the light of Islam, the Quran and Sunnah.
These are a few pointers to take care of to manage your anger appropriately. Remember the most important point is to be cautiously AWARE that shaitaan is trying hard to destroy your marriage and YOU are the one who can stop that. So with that knowledge in mind, embrace your marital life with open arms and make an effort to make your marriage work inspite of the anger that creeps in from time to time.
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