Like every relationship, Marriages too have their fair share of tough times. Allah has made the union of marriage into a beautiful relationship of love and harmony yet He understands that with these positive feelings there will be negative emotions too. That is why he has used the words compromise, understanding and patience in the Quran as well to describe what two people go through in marriage.
In Islam, when there are bad days in marriage, Muslims are to believe that it is the work of the shaitaan, who cannot see two people in love in marriage and happy. The purpose of shaitaan is to bring about grudges, ill mannerism, fights and arguments in marriage and to completely destroy it. When a husband and a wife have a fight, they are not fighting with each other, rather it is a fight with the devil (shaitaan) and it is he who will be victorious. THAT is the reason Allah has asked us to shun the shaitaan and embrace love, understanding, harmony and patience in marriage. So that in the end it is WE who are victorious and shaitaan who has been defeated!
The only way to rid your marriage of the bad omen, shaitaan, is to work towards it for the better. There are tricks that Allah has asked us to follow in our marriage to do so. The biggest and the most important one is NEVER to hold a grudge with your spouse. Sure, there are hard days when all you want is to hit something hard towards the spouse during your fights but when the temper cools down, learn to forget and not hold a grudge in the heart.
They say a hurt heart is better than a hard one. They are right. It is true that at that moment of time you will feel angry and hurt at your spouse, but when calmness takes over, you should be the first one to set things right. The longer a grudge is held in the heart, the worse it is for the relationship of the husband and the wife and the more victorious the devil (iblees) is. Because the devil knows that marriage is the most loved of relationships in the eyes of Allah. So he does everything in his power to ensure its destruction.
Don’t let your heart get hard. So be the first to ask for forgiveness as well as be the first to forgive. It’s a two way street in marriage. If there is love from both sides, so must there be compromises. Allah has said in the Quran
“So be patient with gracious patience.”
[Surat Al-Ma`ārij (70:5)]
So patient must we be for indeed it is the virtue of the Almighty. Don’t be mean to your spouse even after the moment of anger passes away. Hug your wife. Give a peck on the cheek to your husband and see the anger melting away. Bring it in your heart to forget the bitter and harsh words spoken. Drink in your anger, be patient and forgive. And most of all NEVER bring up what was said in another argument. If you do, it means your heart held a grudge and that’s a recipe for disaster.
Allow your heart to heal. Apologize. Love. Forgive. That is the key to a beautiful Muslim Marriage Alhamdullillah.
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