‘He created for you spouses from among yourselves, so that you might find rest in them; and He has set between you love and compassion. Truly there are signs in this for people who reflect.’ (Qur’an, 20:21)
Most of the time we focus on how difficult it is for a woman to go to a new place and adapt to the lifestyle of her husband’s family that we forget it is complicated for a husband too. He has to take care of his wife and also his family both financially and emotionally. Thus, marriage is not a one way road; it is team work – compromises (where it should apply) have to be made from both ends to make it successful.
Below are some major factors that wives should take care in marriage:
1. Submission:
Being a Muslim, our first priority is to obey Allah and then the wives should obey their husbands as our beloved Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’ This way, we are going to gain their respect and trust.
However, husbands shouldn’t take advantage of this hadith, we also know the mother has been given the most rights as narrated by Abu Huraira, that a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and asked him, “Who amongst his near one had the greatest right over him?” The Prophet replied, “Your mother”. The man then asked, “Who after that?” to which the Prophet replied again, “Your mother”. Asked who is next, the Prophet again replied, “Your mother”. When the man asked who after that, the Prophet said, “Your father.”
2. Please him:
The prophet (pbuh) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise.’
To all the sisters, please your husband, dress up for him, play games and joke with him, smile at him, say thank you to him for all the things he has done for you, greet him happily when he comes home to you. Make him come home to you blissfully. This doesn’t cost you anything; instead it will grant you a place in Jannah.
3. Avoid arguments or extinguish them at the earliest:
Avoid arguments, and Allah will benefit you from this. We all know men have ego issues; they will never admit they are wrong. Hence, it is better to just stay quiet or just apologize if it’s your fault, rather than making it a dispute that might have an effect on your marriage.
For husbands, it would be simple if you apologize if it is your fault rather than waiting for the wives to make the first move. Keep the shaitan (devil) away from the marriage.
4. Support him:
God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’ (Genesis 2:18 )
Men need support in small and big things. They need help in finding their wallets, their keys, but they also need support in making big decisions that are related financially, or with their jobs or generally deciding the future. Show him your goodness, lead and guide him along the way.
5. Don’t expect too much:
We women, consider marriage as a fairy tale, in which everything is perfect and nothing is going to go wrong. Don’t expect this at all. Your husband is going to mess up, economically and psychologically, don’t expect him to be always with you, he has a life, and he will also enjoy it with his friends and family. Give him the much needed space he requires.
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