People often ask what constitutes a good marriage. Some people think that it is love, others think it’s understanding, yet many think that it is having a lot in common that makes marriages successful. All these factors are important but one of the most important factor in a good marriage is the ability of the husband and wife to communicate.
Most marriages fail because either or both, the husband or the wife fail to communicate with each other; while the wife seeks to communicate and connect on an emotional level, the husband wants the wife to be more straight forward. He takes communication as direct talk, you tell me your problems I’ll tell you mine and we’ll figure it out. However, wives insist on talking to their husbands in a round about way by giving examples of their friends or say things like “a lady I knew had this problem with her husband”. This does not go too well with men as they do not understand the need for these cumbersome conversations.
Since the round-about way of talking doesn’t work for men, they stop trying altogether. However, if balanced efforts are made by both the husband and the wife, things can sort out and communication can reach upto the level of practical along with emotional talk.
Husbands should listen to their wives when they talk to them (remove your eyes from the television for starters!), don’t give their wives one word or one syllable answers, share your own days work with her (trust me, women are amazing listeners, they will listen to your monotonous banking stories the whole day!) compliment the food that she has cooked (maybe even ask her the secret recipe and move the conversation along). Talk to her. Listen to her. Make her feel what she does and says has value in your life. Tell her that!
On the other hand wives, in an attempt to emotionally connect with their husbands, should be more supportive. They should avoid arguments, and Allah will benefit them from this. We all know men have ego issues; they will never admit they are wrong. Hence, it is better to just stay quiet or just apologize if it’s your fault, rather than making it a dispute that might have an effect on your marriage. They should please their husband, dress up for him, play games and joke with him, smile at him, say thank you to him for all the things he has done for you, greet him happily when he comes home to you. Make him come home to you blissfully. This doesn’t cost you anything; instead it will grant you a place in Jannah.
Make an effort. And communicate. That’s the recipe for a great marriage InshAllah!
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