Sure, marriage is a union of love, understanding, mercy and respect as proclaimed by Allah in the Quran:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)
But have we ever given thought as to how we will achieve all these attributes in marriage? Will we automatically start loving each other after marriage? Will we have the respect and mercy for each other just like that? How will the affection seep into our lives for our respective spouses? The answer is simple. We must start with being our spouse’s friend.
Friendship is considered an important part of Islam and one that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) always advocated, the proof of which we can see from the great work that his sahabahs did for the spread of Islam. But friendship between the husband and the wife is of a different nature. Friendship between them forms the very basis of the relationship which they will embark in the future. That of a happily married couple!
A friend is someone you turn to in time of need. Your relationship with your spouse should be exactly the same. Spouses should support each other in decisions made, voice disagreements but be flexible with each other. Just like friends, spouses should play games with each other, joke around and have eye contacts with each other at “inside jokes”. Just like friends they should laugh together! Our Prophet (PBUH) told Jabir, may Allah be pleased with him, “Marry someone who makes you laugh and you make her laugh”. If this is not friendship then what is? The Prophet (PBUH) jokes with his wives regularly and made them laugh too, and when he was upset with any of his wives, he would remain quiet.
Isn’t this the same way you would behave with your friends? Make life with your spouse as that as you would have if you lived with your best friend! With whom you could easily share uncertainties, have little fights, say sorry and thank you, and help around in the house chores as well as office assignments. Additionally, in Islam it is encouraged that the spouses take a walk together, discuss their future together and tell each other their secrets.
Once the foundation of friendship and understanding is secure, you can live your entire life in love, patience and undying understanding of each other and respect for each other. Be your spouse’s friend. It’s amazing Alhamdullillah!
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